Importance of Consent after Marriage

In the last few years, there has been a lot of discussion around consent, marriage and rape. There have been several debates around marital rape too. Just because a woman is married to a man, does it mean she is consensual towards any kind of sexual activity? We’d say NO.

Historically, sexual intercourse within marriage was considered the right of the spouse. In fact, it exists till date. A woman in a marriage is often compelled to submit to sex. Whether she wants it or not at that moment, she has no choice but to agree because she is married to that man. However, its high time men understand that marriage is not a license to have sex. We’re not saying sex is a bad thing or a married couple cannot engage in any kind of sexual activity. All we mean is that consent is important too.

In a marriage, sex should be seen as an expression of relationship. It helps both the spouses express themselves in a better and more creative manner. It’s healthy, playful and the essence of every marriage. Though it is some kind of creative self-expression, it shouldn’t be forced upon either of the partners. Thus, feminists around the world are reiterating that consent matters.

After marriage, it is taken for granted that consent isn’t required anymore because two people have got into some kind of social contract. When sexual intercourse is forceful, it can even lead to abuse. In fact, the COVID-induced lockdown led to an increase in the number of domestic violence cases across the globe.

Is Sexual Intercourse without Consent considered Rape?

As the world has progressed over the years, engaging in a sexual act without the consent of one’s spouse is classified as marital rape within many societies around the world. It is also explicitly criminalised across several nations such as Australia, United States of America, Brazil, Canada, France, Greece, Italy, Ireland, and over 100 more countries. In my opinion, I think it’s fair. Neither a person’s body nor their sexuality belongs to someone else irrespective of the relationship status.

A woman doesn’t have to be ready for sex anytime and anywhere. Therefore I think criminalising marital rape is justified. However, what you and I think doesn’t matter as unfortunately our country still remains one among the 36 nations that do not consider it a crime for a man to rape a woman if they’re married.

Section 375 of the Indian Penal Code (IPC) states that sexual intercourse by a man with his own wife is not considered rape, unless the wife is below 15 years of age. As per the current laws, a wife is presumed to have given her consent to her husband by entering into a marital relation with him.

It’s shocking that an emerging superpower like India isn’t criminalising marital rape. It just proves how outdated the Indian Penal Code is. These days, women are financially independent, are raising children alone, and proving their mettle in every field. Despite this, they are still not considered an independent legal entity and are victims of a rigidly patriarchal society where their voices are suppressed. In fact, we’ve also heard husbands say “why did you marry then”. Marriage and sex is considered synonymous.

What is Consent and why is it Important?

It’s important for people to understand that marriage is not socially sanctioned sexual slavery. That’s where consent comes into the picture. The definition of consent is simple.

It simply means giving permission for something to happen. It is an active agreement that is intelligent, mutual, honest and voluntary. In fact, open communication and respect make sexual relationships better. When a partner asks you for your consent and vice-versa, it shows the respect you both have for each other. It completely eliminates any kind of entitlement one partner might feel over the other. Also, consent is a process in every marriage. If one of the spouses wants to move to the next level of intimacy, they must ask. Irrespective of the context of the relationship, consent should never be assumed. Marriage is not a blanket permission for sex. A woman has the sole right to decide whether she wants to indulge in it or not. Even after her assenting if the husband does not stop, it is rape. It’s as simple as that.

Let me narrate a landmark judgement that was delivered by the Kerala High Court in August last year. The Justice deemed marital rape to be a valid ground for divorce. The court rejected the appeal of a man who was against divorcing his wife. The appellant forced his sick wife to have sexual intercourse with him. This is when she filed for divorce. Though the bench said that marital rape is not penalised in India, it would not discourage them from recognising it as an act of cruelty and granting divorce. The court further went on to saying that the appellant treated his wife’s body as something that owed and repeatedly committed sexual acts against her will.

I fail to understand why physical violence in our country is illegal but sexual violence isn’t. A husband can be jailed for abusing and beating his wife but not for raping her. This problematic distinction has made consent even more important. It has to be reiterated that a wife’s sexuality is not a husband’s property.

Conclusion

Though the concept of consent has been under much debate, it is now considered vital. In India, however, marriage has sadly been stuck in the dark ages as far as the concept of consent goes. To educate the population and make the youth aware of consent, a lot of NGOs consent education and awareness campaigns. They’re increasingly discussing the elements of consent and its importance. In fact, every year 19^th to 23^rd September is celebrated as National Consent Awareness Week in Canada to support marital rape survivors.

Do you agree that consent is important, irrespective of the relationship status? We would love to know your views on the same. Leave them in the comments section below.