Is Body Shaming in a Romantic Relationship, Emotional Abuse?

Are you one of those very few fortunate people who have unconditional love in their relationship? If yes, then this article is not for you. Although, you must read this to value the great blessing you are obliged with.

According to some studies, men tend to pay greater importance to physical attractiveness in a potential partner, as compared to women. Even so, there are women out there too, for whom the physical appearance of their partners matters a lot. That brings us to the conversation of body shaming.

They say love is liking someone for no reason. When you say you love someone you count their scars too. But is that the reality? Well, practically this should be one of the vows of marriage, since we don’t see this being followed otherwise.

I have been obese since my childhood times. Entering my teenage years, the peer pressure in school and college forced me to get into shape. I did shed a good number of kilos but somehow still couldn’t fit in the perfect and unreal standards of beauty and figure set by society. Nobody ever cared to know the reason behind it ever, so that has made me habitual to not mention it and expect anybody to understand. The use of the phrase ‘where there is a will, there is a way was solely for this purpose, I always wonder. To blame people dealing with their body conditions and body shame obese people.

You know a lot of things in your life don’t matter to you that much until it comes from the people you love. I realized this with the most miserable experience of my life. I met a guy in my college for whom I fell very hard. I was this crazy, affectionate, wholehearted, unconditionally loving girl who gave her everything to the guy she loved.

I am someone who believed love is the most powerful thing in the world growing up, owing to all the Bollywood vibe all around. I admired the lines by Louisa May Alcott that read, Love, is a great beautifier. Ladies, it is not! Physical appearance and charm eradicate everything.

There is no second disappointment you will ever experience from your partner that will damage you as much as body shaming by them. Cheating being the first, though. Don’t you think physical appearance and charm play a role there too?!

We tend to outperform ourselves in being the best partner, lover, and companion. We invest our emotions, heart, energy, and so much more when it comes to a romantic relationship. So, did I being a girl who was madly in love. The truth is I was not enough still, I was not worthy, I was incapable of being loved because I wasn’t beautiful enough as per the standard, set by my world (the guy I loved, yes he was my world).

Suddenly, kindness made no sense to me, being good to people for no reason didn’t feel right to me. I felt fool taking care of my partner, remembering his little things, and providing him with everything he ever had a thought of. Nothing is enough when you don’t fit into your partner’s beauty filters. My only belief was you deserve equal reciprocation in love only when you are pretty not otherwise. I couldn’t be more stupid and trust me.

I began comparing myself with every next girl I met. Honestly, I did not feel bad for them or envied them. I felt bad for MYSELF the whole time. Felt pity for me, and questioned my worth, every single day. I kept appreciating and admiring other girls the whole time instead of myself. And that just kept pushing me more to a darker phase in my life. I lost the confidence, the zeal, the smile with which I carried my whole life.

I was never someone who was affected by any acquaintance, relative, a person not close to me body shaming me. But with the man I loved leaving me for the way I looked, I became sensitive to even a stranger commenting on my looks.

I lost the faith in being happy. I made peace with the fact that love, happiness, attention, and care are only for the most beautiful girls, which is not me. Hence, I will never find happiness again or feel loved. There is no more deadly emotional abuse than body shaming in a romantic relationship.

From a girl who was body-shamed by her partner to someone who has gone through same, please know that you are not incapable of making your partner happy, you are not incapable of being loved. You are worthy, you are loved, you are enough the way you are! You deserve happiness and true love and someone somewhere around is waiting for a girl exactly like you and will love you just right.

In this entire journey, the silver lining was, that I learned self-love. I learned to let go of people I love to death. I learned to live without the people I imagined spending my entire life with. As hurting as it is, trust me as liberating it will become one day.

Let nobody except yourself ever allow to define you, judge you, or question you. Allow nobody to dim your light that shines from within. You are born with the power of making people happy and you deserve to be loved in every way possible. Let nobody make you think otherwise ever.

Be so full of loving yourself, accepting yourself, and growing yourself that you never have to reflect on what your partner thinks of you or anybody else has an opinion of you. Stick to this simple rule ladies,

The happiest you makes the prettiest you.  

There is no lovely compliment to hear than ‘you look happy’. That’s all! We all are striving for consciously or unconsciously in life. To be happy. Let me know in the comments below if I am wrong.