Let Go of Perfectionism & Stop Being Hard on Yourself

There are many people who are overachievers. They strive towards perfectionism and are highly competitive. While it’s not necessarily a bad thing, too much of it can take a toll on your mental health. How? When you don’t achieve the intended results, you might get too hard on yourself. You might consider yourself a failure and feel like you suck at what you do. In the quest of this, you end up becoming your worst enemy. As human beings, we all tend to get harsh on ourselves in various phases of life. On the professional and personal front, there will be various instances where we might end up making mistakes. If we punish ourselves for this, we’re actually going nowhere. Negative self-talking can get in the way of our own success.

First and foremost, to stop being hard on yourself, you need to understand why it’s happening. Get to the root of it and that’s when you will be able to overcome it.

Through this blog, we aim at discussing the reasons why self-critical anxiety occurs and how it can be stopped.

Reasons we’re so hard on ourselves

While some people are naturally hard on themselves, there are others for whom it occurs owing to various factors. Growing up in a critical environment where praise was heard rarely can cause low self-esteem. Psychological factors also cause lack of confidence in some. The environment we’re in, past events and current knowledge tunes our brain to create certain beliefs. When we get harsh on ourselves, experiences from our childhood powerfully influence our beliefs. Here are a few other reasons why we get so hard on ourselves:

• Shame: If you’ve constantly been criticized or blamed in your household, you tend to get hard on yourself. You live in the guilt that if you don’t do something with perfection, you might bring shame to yourself or your family.
• External Factors: How you become as an adult often stems from the experiences you had as a child. For example, if you grew up in a household where parents fought constantly or if you’ve been a part of a broken family, you tend to blame yourself for these happenings. As you grow up, you feel like even the smallest thing can make you feel guilty as you’ve already internalised your childhood experiences and trauma. This is when things get out of your control.
• Inadequacy: There are certain homes where children are always expected to get A grades and excel in everything they do. When they’re not able to achieve this feeling of perfectionism, they get harsh on themselves. They do crave affection but at the same time they call themselves undeserving. This feeling of inadequacy can also cause mental health problems.

Besides the above reasons, disorders also make us stress about things we can’t control. Eating disorder, self-injury disorder, anxiety disorder and overthinking disorder are some of them. People with these disorders also tend to experience confusing emotions. Before these factors take over our lives completely, we have to combat them.

Simple Ideas for you to stop being Hard on Yourself

You have to admit that there are certain things that aren’t in our control. Here’s how you can stop punishing yourself for even the slightest of things:

• Consider positive self-talk: The first step is to set-up a positive inner voice. No matter what you do, your inner voice/monologue will always be with you. In every negative situation, try to find one positive attribute. Transform your self-talk. Replace harmful and negative thoughts with optimistic thoughts. When you feel like you’re not doing fine, just tell yourself “I’m fine and I don’t need to worry”. Trust me it works and will considerably change the way you look at situations. This simple act is so powerful that you’ll eventually be able to overlook your mistakes.
• Find support: Find someone you can talk to. This could be anyone such as a friend, family member or even a counsellor or therapist. This will make you feel a lot lighter. Also, when you vent to someone who understands you, you will gain a better perspective of the situation. May be, you’re only focusing on the negative and after speaking to a confidant, you might look at the positive. This is a sure-shot remedy and it always helps.
• Get some alone time: When you’re overworked or if a situation feels very overwhelming, make time for yourself. Switch off your phone, and grab a pen and paper. Write down your worries. By doing so, you will realise that the scene isn’t as bad as it seems. Keep writing your thoughts on a daily basis. Another way to rejuvenate your mind is by taking a break from work or the mundane.
• Stop comparison: Accept yourself for who you are and embrace your flaws. You can’t be anyone else and vice-versa. Thus, if you’re harming yourself looking at someone else’s perfection, you’ll feel even more miserable.
• Move on with your past mistakes: A major reason adults tend to be harsh on themselves is because of past events or mistakes. You have to realise that everyone makes mistakes. Holding on to something you did ten years back is going to take you nowhere. Dwelling on it will not fix the problem. Instead, it will worsen it. When your past mistakes live rent-free in your head, you will not be able to put your best foot forward in your current assignments. Remember, it happened and it’s over. Thus, you need to move on.
• Chalk out a stress-management plan: When you feel like you’re hitting rock-bottom, create a stress management plan. Some strategies you can include are exercising, eating healthy and getting plenty of sleep. Make sure you’re also on the lookout for unhealthy coping skills such as binge eating or drinking.

Always remember, nobody’s life is perfect and yours doesn’t have to be either. Everyone faces their fair share of struggles. The key is to stop being overly attached to situations. Don’t get on a guilt-trip if things don’t go your way or as planned. Perfectionism isn’t a problem. It only becomes problematic when it takes a toll on your well-being and mental health.