Normalise Saying “NO”, with No Explanation & without Feeling Guilty

“Love yourself enough to set boundaries. Your time and energy are precious.  You get to choose how you use it.  You teach people how to treat you by deciding what you will and won’t accept.” – Anna Taylor.

Saying “no” can be difficult for many of us. That’s mainly because it is associated with being selfish or rude, and saying yes is supposed to be synonymous with positivity. Most of us are afraid to say no because people might look at us with judging eyes. Well, we completely understand the dilemma and situation you are in. However, it’s high time we understand that in today’s fast-paced world, it is okay to say “no”. The need of the hour is for all of us to stop being people-pleasers, and putting our own needs before others. Saying “yes” to everyone all the time is pretty stressful. In fact, it’s definitely not good for your mental, physical and spiritual health.

There was a time I too would say yes for everything. I literally had an inability to say no. I felt like if I’d say no to someone, I might just upset them. The result of saying yes would literally take a toll on my health. On the professional front, I was simply overworked and exhausted, and on the personal front, I just forced myself into certain outings. That’s when I thought to myself – is this how it should be? The first word that came to my mind was “NO”. It almost felt like it’s the first time I’ve used the word “no”. Honestly, better late than never. Say no to anything you don’t like or feel like doing. Whether it’s a party, an activity, sex or a task. Just say no. When you realise that you have the ability to do that, you just feel like a better person and you tend to be more at peace with yourself.

Before we get into why we should normalise saying no, let us understand the reasons we don’t end up saying it.

3 Reasons We Don’t Say NO

• We want to be liked: Studies reveal that one main reason why people don’t say no is because they want to be liked by everyone. They’re afraid that if they say no, they might end up being the bad person. For example, if you’ve recently started a new job, you might feel obligated to say yes to everything. That’s because it’s a new environment, a new boss, and so on. You want to make that first impression. We understand that. However, don’t let eagerness to help out affect your work-life balance and give you a burnout. There is a way to say no and still be liked. When you’re saying no, don’t sound aggressive. Instead be assertive. Another tip is to start small. Say no to lower risk environments. For example, if you don’t want to do dinner and drinks post work, say no. Once you learn the art of saying no, you can apply it to bigger situations.
• We don’t want FOMO: Another reason we don’t say no is because we have the fear of missing out (FOMO). There are a lot of “what ifs” in our mind. We’re simply afraid of missed opportunities. We even end up questioning ourselves. To trust the choices we’ve made, we need to have faith in what we do. Saying yes first and then saying no can worsen the situation. Thus, stick to the original plan.
• We don’t want to feel guilty afterwards: Lastly, we don’t want to feel guilty. Have you ever said no to someone and then felt uncomfortable? Well, we feel you. It’s quite common but completely unnecessary. If you have other commitments, it’s important to put your own needs first. If you weighed all the options, and pros and cons, then you’ve got nothing to feel guilty about.

Normalise saying “NO: 3 Reasons

• You don’t owe anybody anything: Honestly, you are not obligated to do something to someone. Yes, your boss pays you, but you don’t have to be at his beck and call on every work day. You may have married the love of your life, but you don’t have to agree to everything he says. It’s okay to disagree on important topics or have your own opinion. At the end of the day, you’re an adult and you don’t have to force yourself to do things you’re seriously not interested in.
• You simply don’t want to: There doesn’t always have to be a reason why you’re saying no. If it doesn’t sound important to you, that’s it! Sometimes you don’t want to do something or be at a certain place because you simply don’t want to, and I guess that in itself is a good enough reason. There should be no explanations nor should you feel guilty. If someone even asks you the reason, just tell them it doesn’t align with your goals and boundaries (while not sounding rude or aggressive).
• It isn’t a priority: Before saying no to a certain person or situation, evaluate if saying yes will benefit your life. Every person has their own priorities such as their family, home, business, etc. A helpful strategy that will enable you to say no with greater ease is assessing if the request makes it to your list of important things. If it doesn’t, you know what to do. Putting yourself and your interests last should never be a priority. Also, unimportant requests might even make you feel swamped. Therefore, a clear, concise and confident “no” will always keep the load light.

Once you lay the ground rules, you will be able to be more honest and authentic with others. Also, people are less likely to take advantage of you and they will respect your “no” and not take you for granted.

Hence, let’s all normalise the word NO, and as we do, let’s feel good saying it.  Because, that’s where true happiness lies.