Staying Out Late is Okay for a Son But Not for a Daughter. Why?

Most parents anxiously wait for their child to get home at night after a particular time. They peep through the curtain to see whether their overgrown kid has walked into the gate or not. Let me tell you, this isn’t just for teenagers. No matter how old you get, parents will always have a curfew for you. They will want you to be home by a particular time after which the never-ending calls and messages will start. Growing up, my parents never set a curfew for me. However, they would always ask me what time I would be back. I didn’t really have an issue with this as all what they did was for my safety and well-being only. What I really had an issue with is that the rules were different for sons and daughters. I don’t have a brother but my cousin who is the same age as me was given more freedom and had no curfew. Even if he got home at 2 or 3 in the night, it was fine. Why? Only because he is a boy!

Since when have curfews become gender-related? Why is it that only women have to deal with this Cinderella problem? We often hear people say “staying out late is okay for a son but not for a daughter”.

Staying Out Late & Curfews

I honestly have a problem with this curfew bias. Parents in their defence say that they’re doing this in order to keep their daughters safe. Does this mean they’re okay with their sons being less safe? If you want your daughters to call when they reach a certain place or be home by a particular time, give your sons the same responsibilities too.

By laying different rules you’re establishing double standards in your household. You’re even giving out the wrong message to your kids that you trust the son more than the daughter. This kind of bias can be confusing. As a parent, you might be doing it for their safety but in the bargain, you’re forgoing the safety of your sons. Let’s assume parents are saying this to protect their daughter’s sexual safety but if any kind of rape has to happen, it is likely in the day as much as it is in the night.

While I’m against curfew being gender-related, if at all parents want to have different rules, they need to get stricter with their sons. I’ll tell you why. There’s a certain age at which boys tend to experiment more with alcohol, drugs, porn, sex, etc. So, as a parent if you think they’re goody-goody, you’re mistaken.

The whole argument here is that if you want to raise responsible and independent children, keep the rules the same for both. Teach your kids about which situations are safe and which are not. As a parent, when you’re transparent, they too will cooperate with you and won’t go astray.

I don’t understand why only girls have to maintain a certain reputation. Society has weird standards for girls who want to pursue or do anything. Their go-to reply for anything is “shaadi ke baad” (after marriage). Whether it’s a sleepover or a weekend getaway with friends, parents often curb their daughters.

Curfew Setting Tips – What is Realistic?

We’re not against curfews, we only feel like you need to set realistic time restrictions for your sons as well as your daughters.

If you’re having a tough time deciding how late you should let your child stay out, let us help you with our curfew setting tips:

• Ensure the curfew is rational: For a curfew to work, it should be reasonable. As a parent, you’ll want to set the rules for when you want your kid to be home at night. However, don’t just be the sole decider or judge here. Ask your child what they think is a sensible curfew and then take it forward from there. If they get out at 8pm, you can’t expect them to be back home at 10pm. In my opinion, 11pm is a good time, and gradually as per chronological age, you can increase it by half an hour or more. Before doing so, evaluate the level of trust you have in your teen.
• Set clear expectations: Curfews work only when you lay the ground rules clearly. Maybe you can decide when your child gets to go out. For example, only if they finish their assignment/task/work. You can also tell them that in case they’re running late due to unforeseen circumstances or traffic, they need to call/text you the same. Thankfully, owing to things like live location, parents can keep a track of where their child is. By this, we don’t mean you need to keep tabs on your kids. It should solely be used to ensure child safety.

Lastly, before setting a curfew, reflect on the level of respect your child has for family rules, and consider the company and activities they’re involved in.

Conclusion

Teach your child how to handle themselves at a young age, and you’ll never find the necessity to impose these antiquated gender-based rules. If your daughter wants to stay out till late, allow her but at the same time educate her. Give her the tools and support so that if at all she’s in an adverse situation, she can take measures to protect herself. The world is unkind to both men and women, so don’t think your sons can get away with any situation while your daughters will invite trouble. Let’s not make curfew a feminist issue. Ladies, let’s push the boundaries and create a new normal.