The Lost Childhood

Manju was a spiritual counselor; the sad, troubled, and disturbed came to her searching for consolation. She would listen to their problems and comfort them by showing them ways to get out of their problems. Manju consoled them as they cried and told her about their grievances. Some of them had gone through so much that Manju herself had to fight back her tears as she listened to them. Years of experience had helped her keep calm and guide those who came to her in search of peace. It was a joy for her to see them coming to her office with tears but leaving with a smile. 

One day Manju sat at her office, attending to her clients. She had just finished seeing a client when another entered her office. The one who entered seemed to be in a hurry to see Manju. She almost burst into the room as Manju prepared herself to see her. "Manju?—" she called out. Manju was surprised to hear the woman call her by her first name. Generally, her clients called her Didi. Manju looked up at the woman who now rushed towards her and hugged her as she asked, "Manju, you did not recognize me, right?" 

Manju smiled at the woman, "No!" she said. The woman sat down in the chair in front of Manju and said, "I am Beena, remember me?" Manju could not recognize the woman, but Beena continued to talk, "we were neighbours, we played together in our childhood, but it's been years since we saw each other."  

When Manju continued to give her a blank stare, she said, "Manju, we were your next-door neighbors; you must remember Dilip, my dad, and Maya, my mother." 

It now dawned on Manju, who Beena was. She rose from her chair and walked towards Beena. She was so happy to see her childhood friend again. "Hey, I am so happy to see you again. This is so unexpected. How did you find me?" Said Manju overjoyed at finding her childhood companion. "You look so different, and I must look different too. Oh, the years have changed us both," she said. 

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Beena continued to smile at her. Manju thought this was a visit from a long-lost friend. But that was not true. Beena continued to look at Manju; she did not know how to start telling her what she had come to see her. Manju was so happy to see Beena again that she kept enquiring about her family. She was unaware of Beena's inner struggles. Beena was now married, and she had two children. She also told Manju that her parents were no more.

Twenty years back, both Manju and Beena were about seven years old and lived in the same vicinity. They lived in a hilly topography, and Manju's house was just down the hill from Beena's. The place was in such a position that they could see each other's home from their own. Beena's family was poor, and they lived in a rented house, and she had many siblings. Manju's family was well off, and they lived in their own home. Manju had one sister. Both her parents were educated and working, and Manju went to a good school. But Beena's dad was a drunkard. He did nothing for a living. Her poor mother would grow some vegetables in her garden and sell them at the market. Subsequently, the landowner sold Beena's house, and her family had to move to another place. Manju and Beena had never met after that.

Beena continued to look at Manju as she spoke, " Manju," she said, " I need your help." That brought Manju back to the present. "Yes, Beena, tell me, what can I do for you." Beena hesitated, wiping away her tears. "I can hear voices," she said. 

Manju was shocked to hear her friend was sick and wanted to help. Beena continued speaking, "I have everything now. A husband who loves and cares for me. Two sons who love me and dote on me. But—" Manju waited patiently as Beena continued to speak, "I can still hear voices. Voices that taunt me and criticize me. They don't let me be at peace." Beena now was weeping bitterly. Manju moved closer to her friend to comfort her, and she placed her hand on Beena's shoulder as Beena continued to unburden herself. "I only want to be well again; I don't want to hear those voices ever again; I want to start living." Beena wailed as she held on to Manju.

When Beena had finished talking, Manju asked her, "have you seen a doctor, he can treat you, and you can be well again." Manju deliberately did not use the word psychiatrist. In her experience, she knew that people who needed them most did not like someone telling them to see one. But Beena was different. She said, "yes, I saw Dr. Issac, and he tried everything to make me feel well again. But I still hear voices. Will you help me!"

As Beena was talking, Manju remembered an etched incident in her memory. A memory when she saw Beena was poorly treated by one of her siblings. Manju had tried to talk to Beena's sibling Preema to stop the atrocities, but Preema had continued to be nasty. 

Beena was sent to Manju's garden to collect dry leaves for fuel, and that's how poor they were. She had come to Manju's place and gathered the leaves in the basket, and she lifted it and placed the basket filled with dry leaves and twigs to her compound. She planned to pick it up from there and put it in closer to her house. But her sister Preema who was a few years older than her, came running from within the house and kicked the basket down to Manju's compound. Beena let out a cry and requested her sister not to do that. But Preema was adamant, "Put it on your head and carry it up the steps," she said. Manju tried to intervene. "But she is picking up all the leaves from the garden, and she must be tired." But Preema protested, saying, " no she is lazy, let her climb up the steps with the basket on her head. they are light dry leaves."

It was more shocking for Manju to see that Beena never fought her sister. She quietly picked up the leaves, lifted the basket upon her head, climbed up the steps, and meek as a lamb carried it to the destined place with her sister abusing her all the way. Manju was very confused at Beena's submissiveness, and only now did she realize that it was not submissiveness but suppression.

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Manju thought for a moment and then said, "Beena, the medicine and treatment will work if you can let go of the past." Beena looked up at her, surprised. Without speaking of the past and all that Manju had seen, she told Beena, "I know you did not have a happy childhood. I know you had your household chores to do and were not allowed to play much with us. But Beena, that is the past. Today you have everything, and you can eat what you want. There is no one to stop you." Beena began to weep again. Manju continued speaking, "Your past was painful, but now it's time to walk into a better future. It is the time to move on." 

Beena asked Manju, " I try, but the fear is still in me!" "Beena, whenever the fear creeps in, tell yourself, that was my unchangeable past, but this is my future." Manju smiled at Beena as she said, " continue taking the medicines that Dr. Issac has prescribed. Keep seeing him so that he can monitor your progress. But change the way you think. You are now free. Enjoy your freedom."

A wounded heart takes much time to heal. The suppressed person finds it difficult to enjoy the newfound freedom; the fear keeps pulling them back. The best thing to do is to let go of the painful past and move on to the good things life offers. But can a broken person do it on their own?

Liked this Story? Read another one tiltled 'Don't Stop Until You Realise Your Dream.'