Why are Relationships so hard?

As humankind, we all know what is same in all of us. But do you ever wonder what is the most different in all of us? Our definition of relationships. Our ability to interpret what’s right in a relationship and what’s not.

Relationships are the most subjective and also perpetual thing in this world. The goal is same though. To give and receive. The act of sharing emotions, conversations, and so much more. How much to give and how much to receive, that is where the differences are. That is the point of debate and the subjective part I mentioned before.

These differences create the need for compromises, adjustments, and many more ‘difficult’ acts like that. Once we reach a point in a relationship wherein these all ‘difficult’ acts are executed. BAM! The word ‘relationships’ becomes altogether heavy for us. Moreover, complicated.

There is one more important word here known as ‘expectations’. We enter into any relationship with expectations. That is obvious. What is not obvious here is once we do all the ‘difficult’ tasks like compromises and adjustments for our relationships we tend to expect even more from those relationships. Bummer, right? But, true!

We as humans are designed such that for every extra effort made, we expect an extra return. For some, it is also no effort and expecting a return per se initiation! We have that type too. Maybe in the future, delayed, not at the moment. But we keep expecting that hoping about that reciprocation up to a certain point. And then we end up hurtful and disappointed when we are not reciprocated in our relationships.

The cycle of these all acts keeps repeating from time to time and becomes a pattern at times. In the end, we reach the conclusion that relationships are tough. Relationships are full of compromises. Relationships are a tricky business. Because the more these ‘difficult’ acts repeat the more, we get being emotionally invested and attached in those relationships. Attachment will always bring hurt, grief, and devastation.

So, what should we do? Never have any kind of relationship with any other humans? Is that even possible as a social animal? Absolutely not! And one should never choose that either for the reason that the right relationships will make your life worthwhile. It will calm you, better you, and accompany you in your darkest moments.

The key is to find people whose definition, beliefs, and values of relationships are similar to yours. We just need to take care of that. It is okay that the other person doesn’t like the same movies you do, or doesn’t have the fashion sense as you or doesn’t agree with your food eating habits, etc. If your definition, beliefs, and values of the concept of relationships have similarities, have compatibility, that’s ENOUGH!

You will never need anything more to work those relationships where that matched. Because that will leave the least room for the disappointment on reciprocation part. Always be on the same page with the other person in any of your relationships. Be it family, friends, or your life partner. Don’t be the one less invested or the one who contributes more. It will never cause you pain.

The most magical relationship you will experience ever is your’s own with yourself. Make sure you never need any compromises, adjustments, or setbacks there. You got to keep a very healthy relationship with yourselves. Take that as a non-negotiable discipline for yourselves for that will be the foundation for your every other relationship in life.

You got this!