You Can Love your Partner & Still be Yourself

The topic of true love has been debated for centuries. Some people are under the impression that once you’re married, you need to agree to everything your partner says. Well, is that true? I would say NO. Marriage doesn’t mean you need to let go of your opinions. Also, just because you’re not agreeing to what your partner says on certain issues, it doesn’t mean you don’t love them. You can love yourself and still be happily married. Despite differences between your partner and you, you can still be satisfied in your marriage. I love my husband, but there are times when we disagree about important topics, get angry at each other and feel unhappy. However, that doesn’t mean our marriage is over or we don’t love each other anymore.

Problems in marriage are inevitable. The way you thrive amid these differences is what defines your relationship. At no point should you let go of your individuality.

7 Things you should never give up for a Relationship

1. Your Right to be you

Once you get married, you change to a certain degree. Your thoughts may be affected by certain external factors. However, don’t end up losing yourself in the process. It’s important to protect your personality traits and retain your fundamental characteristics. Your partner should love you for who you are and embrace your imperfections. If you try to change yourself, your self-esteem may take a hit. I would recommend you define yourself early in your relationship so that both you and your partner have deep awareness and understanding of each other’s beliefs, desires and needs.

2. Your Choices

In a relationship, you’ll be faced with several situations wherein you and your spouse aren’t on the same page. For example, your partner may want to eat fast-food all the time and you may want to eat healthy. What do you do? Well, eat healthy! Remember, you are responsible for you. You don’t have to love and participate in everything your partner enjoys. Your choices and ideas may be different. However, occasionally, even if something doesn’t interest you much, it may be a good idea to visit a new place or break a routine. Sometimes doing something your partner enjoys and vice-versa can strengthen the bond.

3. Your Desire for Alone Time

You may love your partner, enjoy their company and spend time with them. However, there will be times when you need your space and some alone time. Is it wrong for you to think so? No, it’s not. Don’t feel guilty if you want to just sit back and relax once in a while. It doesn’t make you love your partner less. Alone time is the essence of every healthy relationship. Try and get at least 30 minutes of alone time each day. Use this solo time to think and breathe, or ponder over an argument you and your partner had. This break can also be used for self-care, to pursue an interest or simply pause and unwind. Having alone time away from your partner can actually benefit your relationship in more ways than one. It gives you a chance to recharge and you end up feeling better emotionally, mentally and physically.

4. Your Self-Respect

Nothing is more important than self-respect. At no point in your relationship should you be treated in a disrespectful manner. It is important to respect each other’s boundaries as well. If you don’t agree with your partner on a certain subject, don’t allow him to use it as a means to disrespect you. Always stand by what you say, and never give up your right to be treated with decency and respect.

5. Your Happiness

When you’re in a relationship, you shouldn’t give up on your happiness at any cost. There are times when you might feel angry at your partner. People generally have a bad view of anger. However, anger isn’t all that bad. In your relationship, if you’re feeling a sense of injustice, it is okay to feel angry. It can help you point out what’s fair and what’s unfair. It only becomes problematic when it becomes a constant and disruptive part of your life. It is normal to feel angry at your partner at times but it shouldn’t be at the cost of your own happiness. Remember to prioritise your happiness.

6. Your Personal & Financial Independence

Being in a relationship is a wonderful thing. It’s always important to maintain your independence. Since you end up spending so much time with a person, it’s natural that one mutual identity gets built. While it’s not necessarily a bad thing, don’t let anything overshadow you. See your girlfriends often and participate in activities that don’t always include your partner. Don’t feel guilty for doing what you feel like. Another thing you should never give up for a relationship is financial independence. It’s healthy to have a personal bank account and know everything about money matters.

7. Your Identity

It’s natural to immerse yourself in a relationship. I just got married, and I know how a person tends to take on the interests and habits of their partner. It isn’t a bad thing. In fact, at times this can strengthen the bond and make one feel more in tune with their partner. The problem occurs when we tend to lose our sense of identity. Being too influenced by your partner’s characteristics may lead to poor decision making. At no point in your relationship should your sense of individuality go away.

There’s a difference between loving your partner and becoming a mirror image of them. In the quest of expressing your love and affection for them, don’t end up losing your identity. You can still be yourself, and do what you feel like as long as it isn’t considered objectionable or morally wrong. Gone are the days when marriage was considered a roadblock for women. Today, partners are viewed as equals and have a say in every matter.